


Palemates

by FailureArtist



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Crack, F/F, Platonic Romance, moirallegience
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-21
Updated: 2011-11-21
Packaged: 2017-10-26 09:34:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/281484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FailureArtist/pseuds/FailureArtist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jade finds out how physical close moirails are.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Palemates

                Jade happily skipped up to Nepeta’s cottage with a basket under her arm. She was going to surprise her girlfriend with a steak dinner! In her excitement she only knocked on the door twice before barging right in.

                                “Hey, kitty, guess what I...”

                But before she could tell her what she brought, she dropped the basket. Nepeta was riding Equius’ back and they were only in their underwear. They looked up at Jade.

                                “Hi,  Jade!” Nepeta cheered, “What’s in the basket?”

                                Jade yelled, “What are you doing?!”

                                “Um, playing horsey?” a puzzled Nepeta replied.

                                “Why are you naked?!”

                                “Our clothes haven’t finished drying.”

                                Equius added, “And technically we are not naked.”

                                “Is there a purroblem?”

                                Jade swore, “You...you dumpass!”

                She rushed over and pushed Nepeta off Equius.

                                “What’s the big idea?” Nepeta asked as she picked herself up.

                                Jade cried, “You can’t play naked horsey with each other! It’s against the rules!”

                                Nepeta asked, “There’s a rule against horsing around with your meowrail?”

                                Equius stood up. “And we are clad in our underwear.”

                                Jade sighed. “I know this moirallegiance thing is supposed to be a romance and you hug and cuddle with your moirail, but this is too much!” She bit her lip. “Are you guys...having sex?”

                They both looked shocked.

                                “Neigh!” “Eww, nooo!” “That isn’t proper!” “He’s not my type.” “We both have our own matesprites.”

                                Jade grabbed her head. “I don’t know if I can believe you two!”

                                Equius roared, “Are you accusing my moirail of red infidelity?”

                                “Well, maybe it isn’t infidelity to you, but I don’t like my girlfriend playing around with another person!”

                                Nepeta’s eyes went wide. “I’m not purromiscous, am I?”

                                Equius patted Nepeta on the shoulder. “There, there. The human just doesn’t understand the intimacies of moirallegiance.”

                                “Then tell me!” Jade demanded, “What other intimacies do you guys have?”                                                    Nepeta listed, “Well, we cuddle, we horse-around, we bath together...”

                                Equius added, “When I can get her.”

                                “...we do each other’s hair, we tickle each other, we meow-sage each other, we paint our bodies, we give out enemas...”

                                “Medically necessary ones.”

                                “Ewwww!” Jade gagged.

                                “And yeah!” Nepeta finished, “We jam about our concupiscent relations!”

                                Jade asked, “Umm, how much?”

                                “Just about you dealing with the game ending, how you’re unsure if you’re a lez-bean or not, whether we’re really biologically compatible...”

                                “You’ve told him about our sex life?”

                                “Of course! Mating is a very impurrtant part of matespriteship.”

                Jade blushed deeply.

                                “You’ve told him...everything? Even...?”

                                Nepeta looked away. “I just thought, since he went through the same purroblem with his lusus...”

                                He scowled at her. “Is it really necessary to tell her that?”

                                Jade glared at him. “And how do you think I feel?” She looked at Nepeta. “Those were my secrets!”

                                Nepeta frowned. “You never told me they were secrets.”

                                “I thought I didn’t have to!”

                Jade shook her head and sighed.

                                “I just don’t understand troll romance,” she admitted, “What does Karkat think about this?”

                                Equius answered, “It is not our former leader’s place to cast judgment on our love.”

                                His moirail replied, “He knows but he doesn’t say anything.”

                                Jade asked, “He knows? Does he watch your naked time?”

                                Equius snorted. “That would be most depraved.”

                                Jade shot back, “You’re depraved!”

                She picked up the basket.

                                “Maybe trolls and humans aren’t supposed to be together,” she sniffled.

                She turned around and walked to the door.

                                “Jade!” her matesprite called, “Purrlease don’t go!”

                                “Sorry, Nepeta, I just need some time to think.”

                She left sobbing. The palemates watched her go, and then turned to each other.

                                Nepeta said, “I guess I won’t be meowsturbating you tonight.” 


End file.
